I think this is a good grief processing story. I saw the sweet references to your relationship with your dad. Making them fluffy soft animal characters is a good way to create word pictures with your grief.
But then, I want it to be a good childrens fairy tale. And after a certain point it gets a little fuzzy for that purpose. And I don’t see a good resolution and ending for it to be a children’s book. But you could look at it as a children’s book possibility and rework it with that in mind in you want..
Thanks for the feedback! Yes, I was intentionally playing with the fairy tale form and subverting some expectations, writing it for an adult audience. I think that has the downside that it wouldn't really be suitable for (most) children.
Note: I always try to add my comments before reading your reflections on what you have written.
I found this one to be a bit more confusing, but that may be because I was always trying to figure out who the characters were representing. At first, I thought it was about you, Levi, and Gretchen. A little further on, I thought it must be about your father and his parents. Even further on, I thought it might be about your father and your mother and you. I’m still not sure. I was distracting by that guessing game, so it was not easy to focus on the other aspects of the story, which felt a bit confusing.
Yeah, that was a little bit of the case for me. I don't know how intentional it was, but there was enough parallel that I struggled to appreciate the writing as a piece of fairy tale fiction. Instead I was reading it as allegorical.
I may go back and try to read it with fresh eyes and see what I think with a second read.
I think this is a good grief processing story. I saw the sweet references to your relationship with your dad. Making them fluffy soft animal characters is a good way to create word pictures with your grief.
But then, I want it to be a good childrens fairy tale. And after a certain point it gets a little fuzzy for that purpose. And I don’t see a good resolution and ending for it to be a children’s book. But you could look at it as a children’s book possibility and rework it with that in mind in you want..
Thanks for the feedback! Yes, I was intentionally playing with the fairy tale form and subverting some expectations, writing it for an adult audience. I think that has the downside that it wouldn't really be suitable for (most) children.
Note: I always try to add my comments before reading your reflections on what you have written.
I found this one to be a bit more confusing, but that may be because I was always trying to figure out who the characters were representing. At first, I thought it was about you, Levi, and Gretchen. A little further on, I thought it must be about your father and his parents. Even further on, I thought it might be about your father and your mother and you. I’m still not sure. I was distracting by that guessing game, so it was not easy to focus on the other aspects of the story, which felt a bit confusing.
Yeah, that was a little bit of the case for me. I don't know how intentional it was, but there was enough parallel that I struggled to appreciate the writing as a piece of fairy tale fiction. Instead I was reading it as allegorical.
I may go back and try to read it with fresh eyes and see what I think with a second read.
Very interesting! Thanks for the feedback, guys!